Bitching . . .

I've had lots to bitch about lately. Lots. And lot And not because I have simply taken up the British tendency to moan. Things really are just pretty shit.

But what makes it all that much worse is this -

Like seriously, how does someone who has been running on empty for weeks now, is continually fatigued from juggling several chronic conditions with a demanding  job and other responsibilities, who spent two days this weekend volunteering at an extremely busy beer festival on their feet (and hardly got any beer, by the way) and walked 3 miles on a walking tour today and been in tears today from utter exhaustion, still not sleep???!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!

I honestly don't remember the last time I got a whole night's sleep. Like a completely uninterrupted, nine solid hours? Nope. Couldn't tell you. It's 2:35 and I haven't even begun to be able to fall asleep. I'm past shattered, can barely keep my eyes open and my brain and restless body are wide awake. Last night? Went to bed at 10, probably fell asleep at 12, awake at 5. Night before? Less than 4 hours. Night before that? Woke up at 4:30, didn't get back to sleep. I'm sure you can see the pattern here.

'Have less caffeine', you say? I've never drunk tea or coffee. 'Get more exercise', you say. See 3 miles walked earlier. 'Get the TV out of the bedroom', you say. Don't own one. 'Read a good book', you say. Just finished one, I have insomnia, remember? 'Have a nice, dark, quiet bedroom', you say. Black out curtains? Check. Eye mask? Check. Tinnitus . . . so much for quiet. 'Have a hot bath! Warm milk! Use mindfulness!' Tried them all. And you know what??

And no, I won't use sleeping tablets. With my level of insomnia, that's a one-way ticket into prescription drug dependency I don't need. My mental suffers enough as it is.

So, I'm still awake with another insanely busy week ahead. I think I've got a right to bitch about it.