Back to the Grindstone

This is a grindstone. My nose hasn't touched it yet.

I went back to work this week. Part time, but it’s back to work. It’s been nice to see people and feel like there is a bit more structure to my day. I haven’t been back long enough for the workplace stresses to sink in yet, I’m sure it won’t be long.

The only thing that is rubbing me up the wrong way is that EVERYONE has commented about my weight. “You’ve lost weight!”, “Wow, there’s hardly anything left of you!”. No fucking kidding. I’ve unintentionally lost about 2 ½ stone since last summer and virtually nothing in my wardrobe fits. I am now what Newfoundlanders lovingly call "a fart in the mist".

I don’t need constant reminders about it, I get one every morning when I’m getting dressed. Some women would celebrate at losing that much weight and would see that as permission to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. But I hate to shop, especially for clothes. And I seriously don’t recommend Crohn’s Disease as a weight loss method.

I did break down last Friday and go out and buy some new work clothes, as I realised that almost everything I have makes me look like a drowned rat. I find clothes shopping a self-esteem destroying exercise at the best of times, and I’ve been avoiding it like the plague these past few months as my new found body image complex just couldn’t face standing in front of full length mirrors. It really pains me to even write that, as I’m so not someone who normally worries about their body image. Unfortunately, I’ve still not quite come to terms with this “new normal” just yet. My one bright spot in that self-esteem destroying exercise was trying on a pair of bootcut jeans at Marks and Sparks and them being too tight in the thighs. Believe it or not, that made my day.

On top of that, I can’t justify spending a lot of money on clothes at the moment because my shape keeps changing as I slowly regain weight. You know those new bras I bought a few weeks ago? I’m already ballooning out of them and am sporting the double boob look. £56 for one months’ wear. No one said that Crohn's was cheap.