Biting the Bullet

Well, I finally took my own advice from my last post and took a first tentative step on “making peace” with my new body.

My upper back has been absolutely killing me for weeks. I’ve had ongoing problems with my lower back and hips for years, but upper back pain is not something I usually contend with. In my Prednisolone-induced paranoid states, I worry that I’m developing ankylosing spondylitis http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/ankylosing-spondylitis/pages/introduction.aspx, which is strongly related to Crohn’s Disease. But realistically, I know that the upper back pain is caused by two things - 1) a lack of physical activity; 2) poor fitting bras.

As finding bras that fit has been a nearly lifelong challenge for me, I could probably do an entire blog, never mind post, about bras. You see, I am “large-small woman”. Tiny rib cage, big tits. Some of you reading this are probably thinking that this sounds ideal, but try buying a bra in an average High Street shop when your pre-Crohn's-related-weight-loss size was a 30 FF/G, and you may change your mind. Especially when you get to the till.

From http://www.secretsfromyoursister.com/home.php - a great place to buy bras in Toronto

As I said in my last post, I have probably purchased and sent back half a dozen bras from various places in the last month trying to find something that would fit to no avail. The too-big bra that I was wearing was rubbing against not-so-well-padded spine and left a painful mark on my back that my osteopath worried might develop into something more sinister. As a stop-gap, he gave me some sticky padding to cushion where the clasps were rubbing, but suggested that I may be better to just get a pull-over-your-head sports bra with no clasps for now to let the skin heal up. So I’ve been wearing this one for the past month. http://www.underarmour.com/shop/uk/en/womens-ua-still-gotta-have-it-bra/pid1236768-001

Of course, the problem with these sports bras is that they are sold in small, medium and large, and the small assumes that you have size A or B boobs. A month of wearing it with my much larger bappage has already almost destroyed the elastic underneath.

And I've even washed it by hand

Oh well, it did the job, and the mark on my back is pretty much gone now.

So today, despite waking up with that dreaded anxiety again, I bit the bullet and hauled my butt across town to my old friend Bravissimo http://www.bravissimo.com/ to get fitted properly for a new bra for my new (hopefully temporary) body. I knew that I needed to do this, but just couldn’t face my new body in a full length mirror, never mind the possibility that my boobs may have shrunk so much that I may not be a “Bravissimo girl” anymore. That would be a disaster on a lot of levels, but mostly because very few other places stock small back sizes.

It was worth the trip. The lovely fitter was quite gentle with my fragile self-image and found me something that fit in a 28E, which actually isn’t as big of a drop in size as I was expecting. And I managed not to burst into tears in the changing room (driving home was another matter!). £56 later (no one said large-small sizes are cheap!) I am the owner of two new bras that fit. For now. With my fluctuating weight, they may not fit next week . . .